Dare to let go of control! 21st March, 2019
It can be so hard to let go of control in certain situations at work, with our friends, in relationships and all other areas of our lives. It adds to our stress levels and most definitely to our peace of mind. We want certain things to work out in our favour and we do what we can to influence the situation. Then when the outcome is different to what we wanted, we become disappointed, dissatisfied, maybe even angry and we feel that life is going against us. Attaching ourselves to an outcome can also bring anxiety which in the long term can make us ill.
“The reason many people in our society are miserable, sick, and highly stressed is because of an unhealthy attachment to things they have no control over”. – Steve Maraboli.
When I saw this quote today, I remembered! I suddenly realised that I cared far too much about a certain outcome, which made me feel anxious and less than happy. When I realised this, my mood shifted immediately. ‘I don’t have to feel this way’ I was able to tell myself. ‘Just let it go. Stop trying to run the show’!
Letting go means that we open ourselves up to new ideas. If we are set on a certain outcome, we are not letting anything else into our lives, so we are blocking anything that may be even better than we can imagine. It can be very hard to do, but in my experience, it is always work it.
It was a relief to remember that I myself am in control of my thoughts. I had let my thoughts run riot for a while, which had depleted my peace of mind and made me worry. Happily I realised that I possess methods, which help me switch my thought processes. I can talk myself through what is going on inside, and pinpoint my problem. This helps me through the ups and downs of life and is part of me caring for my well being.
So think about this if you are feeling bad, or unsettled, or you are trying to make something happen and your mind is thinking about it constantly. Let the thoughts go, detach yourself from the outcome and let life take care of it for you.
Worry is the biggest waste of time there is. It will destroy our peace of mind and it will achieve absolutely nothing, so if you have done what is within your power to solve the problem, let go and let life do the rest. Trust that the outcome will be the best for you at any given moment and sometimes it may even exceed your expectations.
I wish you a happy day,
Self Pity. March 12th, 2019
I was just thinking, how is it that even when life is pretty perfect, there is always something to complain about, worry about, feel guilty about or a feeling of displacement, disconnection or tiny little bit of “poor me” going on inside? I suppose we simply can’t have the ups without the downs, and where I sometimes fail is when I don’t readily accept these facts. We can’t have one without the other and inevitably these feelings will come back and knock at our door and will want to be let in. We may fight and win and we may fight and lose, all depending on what we let ourselves believe on any given day. Life is fantastic today, because we believe it, or it is not because we believe otherwise. And which one wins? This will depend on what we choose to do about it. Do we let ourselves delve into having a shitty day or do we pull ourselves out of it and go and do something positive? Living in this paradise of Mallorca, I sometimes long for a cloudy, rainy day, so I can just throw myself on the sofa without guilt and waste the day away with Netflix. Realising I have to get over myself, because if that is all I have to worry about, then I live in a world of luxury problems.
But this is my point exactly, that feeling sorry for oneself can become a habit, something that we identify with even when we have a pretty good life. It is also an unattractive defect of character that makes us take ourselves too seriously. When we complain we feel sorry for ourselves just a little bit, and how often do we go through a day without complaining about others, or circumstances or some idiot who cut us up in traffic?
To eliminate self pity is hard work. It demands a long, hard and honest look at ourselves which most of us prefer to ignore, because we hate to think we are less than perfect. But we are all less than perfect, except perhaps the Dalai Lama. I’m pretty sure he is near perfect, but if I ever did get the opportunity to ask him myself, my guess is he will disagree.
We can’t do anything about these feelings until we become aware that it is happening. Then we have to admit to ourselves that we have designed our lives ourselves, which then means that pretty much everything that happens to us, is our own fault! Uggghhhh! That is truly a hard pill to swallow is it not? But here is the strange thing; when we finally admit to ourselves that we have contributed to our predicament by the choices and decisions we have made in our lives, we can also start to make up a new story for our future. We can decide to change, to up our standards, to live differently. We can let go of the victim role and look to become the other person, the person who understands that we get out what we put in and that there can be a much more satisfying way to live, full of positivity and contentment.
So did I pull myself out of my self pity today? The answer is yes, I did. As I write this I see how much I have to be grateful for and how little I have to complain about. I can choose to be happy today, it’s just that some days it is a little harder than others, and that’s OK too.
I wish you all a happy day and remember to be grateful.
Destination Addiction. 12th March, 2019
What is destination addiction? It is the thought that we will not be happy until we have achieved a certain goal, have moved to a new place, found a new partner, are earning a certain amount of money, own our own home, the list goes on and on. There is always something else to want and strive for, while we in the meantime feel dissatisfied and forget to appreciate what life gives us at every given moment.
Unfortunately when we do reach our goal, the feeling of satisfaction is often short lived, because as time passes we want something else to happen, so we can feel euphoric again.
So what are we actually doing? We are chasing one feeling, by attempting to chase another one away. We are feeling ‘bad’, ‘anxious’, ‘down’ etc. The belief that a new place, car, dress, more money etc. will make us happy again sets in and triggers off our destination addiction and we go through the whole thing again.
This concept is really easy for me to understand as I have suffered from destination addiction all my life. I thought I’d never be happy until I could leave home (at 17), then I thought I’d never be happy until I’d travelled the world, until I had studied and passed my exams, moved to and from the UK at least 4 times, moved to Spain, then to France and back to Spain. Years as a yacht chef satisfied my destination addiction perfectly for many years too, jumping in and out of the industry, going freelance and, and, and……
So now that I can put words to what I feel at times, does that mean that my addiction no longer has any power over me? I would love to say that it doesn’t, but I would be lying to you…and myself. But what I have learned is that I don’t have to act out on it. It is far from a thing to be ignored though, but rather to be nurtured, listened to and acted upon. When I feel this way, my life is not in balance, and if it is not in balance, my job is to do everything I can to bring balance back and listen to my inner self and what I really need right now.
I now know that happiness doesn’t exist outside of myself. I will never find happiness in a new place, in a new car or with a new partner, unless I am happy and content within myself. No one and nothing can do this for me. I have to work at that myself and find solutions to the problems by actively pursuing new methods and ideas.
I must remember one thing however: what my destination addiction has given me. It has given me countless amazing experiences that I would never have had, it has taken me to many corners of the world, it has given me many great friends all over the world, and for this I am truly grateful, because if I didn’t have destination addiction I would not have had this rich life that I know deep down I have had and still have.
I wish you a happy day.